Wears the Curse
by Shooting Pine
Summary: When Dipper and Mabel's clothes, come to life after they are cursed, they must find a way to reverse the curse before they are forced to go shopping at an overpriced outlet mall! (The title is a fun play on words.)
1. Run from the, the, the Somethings?

"Run!"

Dipper and Mabel Pines crash through underbrush, opening cuts and tearing their clothes. They run through thorn bushes and streams, not stopping to look back. Dipper tries to take out a notepad and write in it, but Mabel scolds him. "Dipper! Stop that! Now is not the time for research!" Dipper sullenly puts the pad back in his vest and continues to run.

"You cannot escape!" a Bear pounds through the forest after them, with cats, dogs, owls, and other animals following it. Only, the animals aren't quite right. Each animal's body is normal, but instead of normal heads, each of the animals has a human face. The bear's is a gruff, thick jawed man with a heavy beard. He shouts again. "You have interrupted a sacred rite! You will be sacrificed to the gods for this sacrilege!"

"How were we supposed to know that we were spying on a sacred rite?" Mabel pants.

"Look Mabel!" Dipper shouts. "A freeway!" There is indeed a freeway 300 yards away, spanning through the Californian forest.

"What do we do?" Mabel asks.

"We run across it!" Dipper says confidently.

"What?!"

"Trust me, I have a plan!" Dipper reassures Mabel.

"Does that plan involve us becoming roadkill? I plan to die many years from now in a water bed, surrounded by stuffed animals and glitter!" Mabel shouts and skids to a stop on the edge of the freeway.

"That is strangely specific. But never mind that. When I say run, we've got to sprint across the freeway. Got it?" Dipper says calmly.

"What?!" Mabel says. "No way!"

"Kill them!" The Bear is now only 100 yards away and getting closer.

"Now!" Dipper shouts as he grabs Mabel's hand and pulls her onto the freeway.

"Wait, Dipper!" Mabel shouts as she sprints across the freeway after her twin.

"After them!" (The, the, the . . . What is that species called? Okay, just the bear) the Bear yells. He and the rest of the animals stampede after the siblings onto the freeway. Dipper and Mabel make it safely to the other side and Dipper drops to his knees and lets out a cry of relief.

"What did this do Dipper?" Mabel asks. "They're still coming after us."

"Just wait." Dipper says.

The army of animals is two fourths of the way through the freeway when a freighter truck thunders down the lane towards them. The driver slams on the brakes, make the truck slide sideways, with a terrible screeching sound and the smell of burning tires accompanying it.

Both Dipper and Mabel grimace and cover their ears. The animals stand stock still as the driver tries to slow down. But the forward momentum is too much, and the truck runs straight into the Bear before toppling over and spilling hundreds of boxes of Pitt Cola all over the freeway.

"The leader has fallen!" a dog with a small, scrunched face calls out. "Return to the commune! But beware humans, we will bestow a curse upon you, and you will rue the day when you crossed the, the, the . . . Anybody know what we're called?" No response is given and the dog sighs. "Never mind. You'll regret this!" All the animals race back into the forest, aimless without someone to direct them.

"Yes!" Mabel shouts, and high fives Dipper.

"I knew something was kidnapping pets!" Dipper says. "I just didn't know that it was other pets, but with human faces, giving those pets human faces, so that they could worship their human headed animal gods. Wow, I just realized how confusing that was."

"C'mon Dipper, let's go home." Mabel laughs.


	2. These Clothes are Ruined

Mabel and Dipper trudge through the front door of their house, bruised and battered, their clothes ruined. Dipper slams the door behind them and they both wince at the sound, their ears still tender from the screeching tires of the truck.

"What happened to you guys?" their dad asks as he steps into the living room. "You get into a fight with a bear?" Dipper and Mabel share an amused look as he walks over to the siblings and inspects them. "Well these clothes are gone."

"Sorry dad. We thought we'd take a shortcut home, but it led us through a bunch of sticker bushes and we got all cut up" Dipper lies.

"Alright, then you both better go up and take showers, you smell like wet dogs. Go on!" Their dad shoos them upstairs, plugging his nose.

Dipper and Mabel tromp up the stairs and head in opposite directions, each going to their respective rooms.

Later that night, Dipper and Mabel are both wearing pajamas, Dipper's being a pair of sweats and a Ghost Harassers t-shirt and Mabel's being a sweater that has Waddles knitted onto to it and a pair of pants that sparkle like a disco ball. They are both in the garage, in front of their garbage can.

"Ugh." Dipper says in disgust, holding his pair of clothes away from him as he opens the trash. "Dad was right, these really do stink." He throws the clothes into the can and holds the lid while Mabel does the same. "I bet those, those, those. . . What are they called again?" He looks at Mabel and she shrugs. "Those _things_ will think twice before abducting any pets now" he says smugly.

"Yeah, yeah" Mabel says, pulling Dipper by the arm. "Now come on, the new season of Ducktective is starting!"

"Ducktective?" Dipper says as he walks away with Mabel. "I thought we were watching Ghost Harassers!"

Neither of them see the glow that the trash can emits, or the answering one that comes from each of their closets upstairs.


	3. Empty Closets

The next morning, Mabel yawns and opens her eyes. "Good morning Waddles!" she says happily as she hugs the pig that is oinking blearily at the foot of her bed. "Good morning bright sun!" she says, shielding her eyes. "Good morning sweaters!" she says, hopping out of bed and skipping over to her closet. "Which one of you should I wear today?" she asks herself gleefully as she opens it. Once she opens it, however, the smile is wiped off her face, replaced by disbelief. She stares straight ahead at a closet once full of sweaters of every shape, size and color, now empty. The following scream would make a Banshee wince and cover its ears.

"What-what is it?" Dipper says, stumbling into her room, wiping sleep from his eyes. "What happened?"

"Dipper!" Mabel says, panicking. "My sweaters are gone!"

All traces of sleep leave Dipper as he hears those words. Mabel's sweaters are a culmination of years of knitting. She loves them like they are her children. If her sweaters are missing, then she will do whatever it takes to finds them. "C'mon Mabel they can't have just vanished." Dipper reassures her. "Let me get dressed, and we can figure this out." Dipper walks out of Mabel's room and into his. Thirty seconds later, a scream shriller than Mabel's comes from his room.

"What is it Dipper?" Mabel asks, running into his room. "Did you find my sweaters?"

"No!" Dipper says, pulling drawers out of his dresser. "My hat is gone too! And not just that! All my clothes are gone!"

A quick check verifies that both of the twins' clothes are all gone. And after half an hour of frantic searching, the clothes are nowhere to be seen in the house.

"We have to find our clothes!" Mabel tells Dipper. "I need my sweaters!" The two have set up base in their treehouse (Soos came to visit them and they convinced him to build it) and are brainstorming ideas to find their clothes.

"We could put out fliers?" Dipper suggests, out of ideas. "I don't know where they could have gone. Mabel, are you even listening?" he asks Mabel crossly, who has been staring out the window of their treehouse for a couple minutes.

"Dipper, look:" Mabel says, pointing her finger at the answer to their questions. In front of them, all of their clothes are floating in midair, circling the treehouse. Dipper and Mabel back up against the wall, and the clothes advance further. "Well at least we know where our clothes went!" Mabel says.


	4. The Great Escape

"They might be friendly!" Mabel says optimistically. Right then, three of her sweaters swoop into the treehouse and wrap themselves around her. "They might be hugging me!" she says, wheezing through the vise around her lungs. Another sweater flies in and wraps around her mouth. Mabel begins to flail around.

"Mabel!" Dipper lunges towards her, but is held back by a vest, which has put itself on Dipper. The vest, now worn by Dipper (or is the vest wearing Dipper?) flies out of the treehouse. "What are you doing?" Dipper yells, pounding on the vest. "Put me down!"

Mabel, still thrashing around, manages to pull her right arm out from the sweater holding it down and reaches for the sweater on her face. She grabs hold of the bottom of it. "Mmmmm mmmmm, mmm!" She pinches a specific point and pulls it as hard as she can. The sweater unravels, and Mabel is left with a pile of yarn on her face. She pulls it off and shouts victoriously. "I can't tie a knot so I finish my sweaters with tape! Woohoo!" Mabel proceeds to do the same thing to the rest of the sweaters covering her body.

Meanwhile, Dipper is still struggling against his vest to no avail. Suddenly, he sees his hat fly by, moving its flaps like wings. He leans out and grabs hold of it. It flips and turns, but he pulls it close to him and reaches inside it. He pulls his hand out and victoriously holds up a matchbook. "I knew those pouches I had Mabel sew in would come in handy!" He strikes a match and holds it up against his vest. "This model is known for its easy flammability!" The vest catches fire and begins to writhe. Dipper slips out of it and crashes through the roof of the treehouse.

"Dipper, there you are!" Mabel says, not looking at him. "Help me barricade this door!" Dipper grabs a chair and adds it to the desk Mabel has already pushed against the door.

"We need to get to our house!" Dipper says. "Do you have your grappling hook?"

"Right here!" Mabel pulls the grappling hook out of her sweater. "I sew a pocket onto the back of every sweater just to hold it!"

"You sleep with the grappling hook?"

"Yes I do!"

"Okay then. We need to get across the yard."

"Way ahead of you." Mabel moves the barricade aside, and pushes up against the door. "Dipper! Can you hold this for me?"

"Got it!" Dipper takes Mabel's place bracing against the door.

"Alright, let go of it when I say so." Mabel tells Dipper. "Ready. Steady. Steady. Steady. Keep it steady. More steady . . . NOW!" Dipper lets go of the door and jumps back as it crashes open. Mabel takes the chair from their barricade and throws it out the treehouse door, taking out the clothes blocking their path. She then shoots the grappling hook at their house and it latches onto the gutter. Dipper takes the piles of string from Mabel's fight with her sweaters and twists them into a makeshift rope. He does this to another pile and hands it to Mabel. They hook the rope onto the line and prepare tighten their grips.

"Let's go." Dipper says. But right as they are about to head down the grappling hook turned zip line, a group of pants advances and lunges for Dipper.

"Your flies are down!" Mabel shouts, and they all stop in mid-lunge and look down (If pants could look down) at their flies. The twins take this advantage and leap out of the treehouse and down to their house.

Both Dipper and Mabel hit the ground running and rush inside the house. They slam the back door shut and lock and bolt it. "Good thing mom and dad left early to go shopping." Dipper says. "OH BOY would they be mad."

"We should call Grunkle Ford." Mabel suggests. "He'll know what to do!"

"That's . . . actually a really good idea Mabel." Dipper says, surprised. "I got his number right here." He runs over to the kitchen counter and grabs his phone off of it. Mabel looks over his shoulder as he opens his contacts and selects their great uncle.

"Dipper, why do you only have like, four contacts?" Mabel asks. "That's kind of sad."

"We can talk about my social life later Mabel" Dipper says. "Waaaaaay later." He holds the phone up to his ear and hears a familiar voice on the other line.

 _"Hello? Who's there?"_ asks Grunkle Stan.

"Hey, Grunkle Stan! Is Ford there?" Dipper asks quickly.

 _"Woah, slow down kid. Ford is a little busy right now."_ In the background, the sound of Ford yelling and a creature screeching echoes.

"What are you guys doing?" Dipper asks.

 _"Long story. But never wear a hat to an intergalactic Mob meeting."_

"What?"

 _"Never mind. Hey Ford! Dipper needs to talk to you! What? Of course I can handle a couple cyber pandas, who do you think I am, Dipper?"_

"Hey!"

 _"Sorry kid. Hang on, Ford's coming."_

"I can wait."

"What's happening?" Mabel asks worriedly, having been locking all the doors and windows of the house. "Does Ford know what to do?"

"Just a second Mabel." Dipper grumbles. "Apparently he's a little busy."

 _"Dipper? Are you there?"_

"Grunkle Ford!"

 _"Ah, it's good to hear your voice again my boy. Now, what is your urgent problem?"_

"Well, something cursed our clothes, so now they're fighting against us and trying to kill us!"

 _"A classic curse! Bringing an inanimate object to life! The way to break it is quite simple. To perform the curse, you must have something to represent the thing you want to bring to life. In your case, they probably have a shred of your clothing."_

"Of course! Parts of our clothes were ripped off on branches and thorn bushes when we were running through the forest! The creatures must have collected them!"

 _"Well then all you need to do is to destroy those scraps of clothes, and the curse will be lifted! Now you must excuse me, one of the Mobsters is giving Stan an interdimensional swirly. Good luck Dipper!"_

"Well?" Mabel asks Dipper. "Do you know how to lift the curse?"

"Yeah." Dipper says. "And I know just how we are going to do it." Dipper pulls Mabel into a huddle and begins to whisper.


	5. The False Gods

Mabel unlocks the back door and prepares to open it. Clothes pound on it and try to yank it open, but Mabel keeps an iron grip and continues to hold it shut. Dipper stands at the other end of the house, in front of the front door. "Ready Mabel?" he asks across the room.

"Ready." she answers.

"GO!" Dipper shouts, and Mabel yanks the front door open, then grabs a fire extinguisher and sprays it at the clothes rushing into the house. She continues to hold them at bay, while backing up slowly, then she drops the extinguisher and runs to the front door. Dipper pulls it open, and they both run through it, then he slams it shut and locks it with his house key.

As he secures the front part of the house, Mabel sneaks around the back, and waits for all the clothes to flood into the house. As the last pair of socks flies through the doorway, Mabel sprints to the door and closes it. Dipper, finished with the windows on the front, runs around to the back. "Hey Dipper, give me your key!" Mabel grunts as she fights to keep the door shut. Dipper hands her his key, and she locks the door, then collapses backwards. "How is yarn so strong?" she pants.

"The clothes are now trapped inside the house." Dipper says. "Time for phase two."

Dipper and Mabel head downtown, to the party store.

"Oh my gosh! It's a caticorn costume!" Mabel holds up a rainbow colored costume that is covered in glitter. "It's like it was made for me!"

"Mabel!" Dipper scolds. "Focus on the task at hand." He walks up to the teen working the cash register. "Do you know where your most realistic animal costumes are?"

"I don't know." the teen answers. "Do you know where my dreams for college went?"

"Okay, we'll just find them on our own." Dipper says while backing away, obviously uncomfortable.

A 30 second montage later, the both twins stand in front of the store, Dipper with a goat costume, and Mabel with cat.

"Alright." Dipper says. "Now let's head to the Piedmont Pyrotechnics and show equipment store that is strangely convenient to our need."

"Yay!" Mabel skips down the sidewalk. "Dangerous explosives!"

A man nearby chuckles. "Kids, so precious and innocent."

Later, Dipper and Mabel stand in front of the store with two bags full of extremely flammable show equipment.

"Now," Dipper says seriously. "We take this to the forest."

The forest is dark, the tall trees allowing no sunlight to shine to the forest floor. This is where the Pines are currently preparing for their plan. Dipper fiddles with a remote control that is hooked up to a stand covered in fireworks. As he fiddles with the buttons, Mabel swings down from a tree branch and hangs in front of Dipper's face.

Dipper jumps and drops the remote on the ground. "Dang it Mabel!" he whispers.

"Sorry Dipper." Mabel says, trying her hardest to be quiet. "But I put the spotlights up!"

"Awesome!" Dipper says. "Then I say we get this party started." Mabel grins and rubs her hands together. "And Mabel?"

"Yes Dipper?"

"Don't light anything on fire."

"Pffft, fire? Please Dipper, I would never light anything on fire. I am offended!"

Dipper shrugs and turns around as Mabel chucks a lighter into the woods.

LATER!

Inside the camp, all of the creatures are sitting in an enormous circle and chanting. The chanting starts low, but increases in volume until it comes to a crescendo, then lowers again.

"Jeez." Mabel covers her ears. "Maybe their choir shouldn't be a no-cut group."

"Alright." Dipper says. "Let's do this!" He and Mabel each take a round, grey ball, and throw it at the circle. The instant the balls touch the ground, smoke erupts from them.

"What is this?" one of the creatures asks, peering into the smoke.

Mabel presses a button on the remote she is holding, and spouts of fire shoot up from the ground on either side of them. Dipper and Mabel emerge from the mist, wearing their costumes.

"Behold!" Mabel shouts. "We are your gods!"

"We have come to receive an offering!" Dipper says. As he says this, Mabel presses another button on her remote, held behind her back, causing fireworks to shoot up behind them and explode.

"Oh mighty ones." says the same dog that cursed them. "Your arrival has been foretold. What is it that you require?"

Mabel looks at them and steps forward. "We require something rare, dangerous, and very sacred!" She accentuates this with more fireworks.

"Just tell us and it will be yours, Your Gloriousness." the dog says, bowing his head to the ground. The others follow suit. "We are your humble servants."

Dipper raises his fist and shakes it. "We require . . . scraps of clothing!" When he says this, more fire shoots from the ground, and the animals step back.

"Are you sure?" the dog asks. "We have gold, precious gems, beautiful jewelry."

"We'll also take some of the gold." Mabel says. Dipper elbows Mabel and glares at her.

"No," Dipper says. "Just the scraps."

"As you wish." The dog scrambles into the forest and returns with a strip of Dipper's vest and the neck piece to Mabel's sweater.

Dipper grabs the scraps and hands them to Mabel. "Thank you. You will not be forgotten for this." The siblings turn around and walk out of the clearing, high fiving each other.

"Wait . . ." the leader peers at the back of Dipper's costume. "Is that . . . a price tag?!"

Dipper looks at the creatures and turns red. "What? You would dare question your lords?"

"It is!" another animal shouts.

"IMPOSTERS!" the leader shouts. "CAPTURE THE FAKE GODS!"

"Run!" Dipper shouts, and the twins sprint into the forest.

"Wow, déjà vu." Mabel laughs.

They turn a corner, and there, floating in the air, are their clothes.

"They escaped!" Dipper shouts.

They turn around, but are cut off by the creatures.

"Alright, here's the pla-AHHHHHHH!" Dipper's sentence is cut short by a pair of sweaters that pull him into the air. "Run Mabel, run!" Dipper shouts as he is pulled into the bushes. "Ruuuuuuuuuuuun!"

Mabel turns to her right and sprints into the underbrush and the clothes all take flight after her. She runs with a purpose though, one last desperate hope in her mind. She pushes aside a branch and sees it: her lighter! She leaps to grab it, but is grabbed by a pair of pants. She struggles forward, but the pants pull her backwards. Mabel kicks at them, and they loosen their grip just enough for her to break free and grab the lighter. Mabel takes the scraps and holds them over the lighter. As the cursed clothes advance, she light the scraps on fire. As the scraps burn up, Dipper and Mabel's clothes weaken and fall to the ground, the curse broken.

"Yes!" Mabel punches her fist in the air. "Now to help Dipper!"

Dipper is struggling as he is held down by a pair of cats. "Let go of me!"

The leader paces in front of him. "Soon your sister will be brought here too, and we will sacrifice you to our gods. Our _real_ gods, not the fakes you pretended to be." Suddenly, a chipmunk scampers up and whispers in his ear. "What?! On fire!" He glares at Dipper. "I'm not done with you" The dog then scampers off towards the fire.

Dipper looks around, thinking of a plan to escape, when suddenly, the cats are pulled off of him. He looks up and Mabel is standing over him victoriously. She holds up and lighter and grins. Guess I broke my promise!" Dipper grins too, and stands up.

"Come on, let's get out of here!"

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Mabel slumps in her chair. "You wear the exact same outfit every day Dipper! Just get the clothes!"

"I have to make sure that these clothes have the same materials as my old ones!"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes!"

"Bye the way, how do we know that the creatures won't come after us?"

Dipper smiles nefariously. "I told animal control that there was a pack of feral animals living in the woods. They said they'd take care of it."

 **The End**

 **Yay!**


End file.
